100 Ways to Die: Edward Elric Style
by Faith Altoire
Summary: A countdown of shorts representing a hundred ways to kill Edward Elric, some meant to be humorous, others not. Ideas for deaths are greatly appreciated and welcomed. I have nothing against Ed. I do this because I love him. Chapter 31 up! ON HOLD
1. The Fall

Death I: The Fall

They say when you are about to die your entire life passes before your eyes. All the good and bad, right and wrong… everything that made up your sad, pathetic existence comes together in one clear picture. I suppose that could happen…given the right amount of time. I mean what if you were suddenly hit by a speeding car, or struck by lightning? There would barely be enough time to even utter the right obscenity before you were gone, let alone revisit an entire lifetime of pointless events.

Because in the end that is exactly what your life is. So what if you had a little brother anxiously waiting at home for you because you were all he had or a girl you loved all your life that you had never kissed? What did it matter that you were once a great hero of the people, a genius, and savior of mankind? The world would mourn for a day and then others just like you will follow behind.

Why bother dwelling on the past… I spent my whole life doing that. Right now I was content on with just letting go, because after the initial jump there was nothing to it. Rather than frantically freefalling awaiting the inevitable, for me it was more of a relaxing sort of floating. There were no regrets. Although one thought plagued my mind often, they say your heart stops before impact. I desperately hope so, because I can already see the ground.


	2. Potassium

Death II: Potassium

One day Edward Elric was having an argument with his superior officer, Colonel Roy Mustang. That in itself was not unusual, they argued every second of every moment that they were forced to spend in each other's company. No, what made this current altercation so unique was its topic.

Bananas.

Not just bananas, but the idea of whether or not the young volatile teen could stomach eating over 200 of them. It all started when Ed and his annoying xingnese friend, Ling, got into their own battle over who was the bigger eater amongst the two. They quickly wished to settle it with a contest, and found that the nearest supply of food happened to be a fruit stand that held a large quantity of bananas. They promptly stole all of the yellow fruit, leaving a note to put the bill on _Mustang's_ tab.

This brought them to their current situation…

"How many times do I have to tell you I am not you damn bank account?" The colonel screamed at the top of lungs, too fed up with his youngest subordinates antic's to keep up his usually calm façade. This had to be the most ridiculous thing the kid had done to him yet. The boy had placed large sums of money on his tab before on numerous occasions.

But 100,000 sens? For banana's?

Edward sat on the couch before the man still pealing and shoving whole bananas into his mouth. He had been very upset with the fact that Ling had already consumed over a hundred of them, and never one to take defeat had refused to stop the contest even after his friend conceded.

"Bananas? You break my bank account for bananas?"

The boy pointedly ignored his commanding officer, as he chewed. His stomach was feeling queasy… maybe he should stop.

"If that wasn't enough you destroyed the whole damned fruit stand!"

Edward shoved another into his mouth, having trouble swallowing. Was he imagining things or did his heart rate feel like it was picking up too fast?

"Scaring its owner half to death! Do you know who has to deal with all this? Do you?"

The young alchemist dropped the fruit in his hand and gripped the side of the couch he sat on. He was feeling extremely nauseous and the room was spinning. There were black spots flickering at the edge of his vision.

"I honestly do not know why I bother! You are so immature I do not see why I don't fire you right now?"

He could not breathe.

"What do you think about that? Well, Fullmetal?"

PLOP!

Roy turned to see the young boy sprawled face down on the floor. The fruits he had been eating strewn around him.

"Fullmetal?"

The man stepped forward, bending down to turn the boy over.

He held his breathe.

Edward was not breathing.

Later they had found that bananas had an abundance of a vitamin called Potassium, which usually is good for your health, but can be hazardous if taken in large doses. Edwards's heart had been overwhelmed and stopped within seconds.

The great Fullmetal Alchemist, hero of the people was essentially killed by bananas.


	3. fires of judgement

Death III: Fires of Judgment

Roy Mustang did not know.

He did not _know_.

How could he, when he was told that everyone had already effectuated the building, when he thought that only those heathens were left behind, and that every member of his crew was safe and accounted for?

How could he know, that one of his subordinates had notice more of the abducted children within the buildings cracked windows and rushed in without a word to safe them from the already crumbling structure?

How could he know that as he poised his fingers to snap, to rid the world of those pathetic criminals for good, that same soldier had just helped the last child escape, unable to get out himself?

How could he know that as he watched the building burn and fall, that he had just killed a fellow soldier, a child, and a close friend, because he had been so rushed to notice the boy leave his side and enter the building?

How could he have known?

He could not have.

No one had noticed.

But as the EMS workers dragged that small, singed body out of the wreckage, closing its wide golden eyes, and laying a white sheet over it. As his other subordinates cried and screamed and his heart stopped at the sight, he knew.

Roy knew that at that moment, as Edward burned in life, he would in death.


	4. brotherly love

Death IV: Brotherly Love

It had been three months since Alphonse Elric had seen his elder brother Edward and he was immensely anxious as he stood on the dock awaiting his ship to come in. The war in Drachma had been an unexpected detour in the brothers' search for the philosopher's stone, and Alphonse had worried ever moment of everyday for Edward's safety. After all, they were all each other had, and right now, despite being unable to physically feel, all the boy turned suit of armor wanted was to hold his dear brother close and never let go.

There were others waiting with him by the bay. Winry, Paniya, Ling and Lan Fan all stood nervously awaiting their friends return. Granny Pinako had been unable to come, but sent her well wishes, and told him to tell Ed to come home for dinner when he could. She would make his favorite; stew. Finally, after what seemed like eons, a large battle ship pulled into the harbor, empting its contents of battered, homesick soldiers. Alphonse scanned the crowd for any sign of Edwards form, but could not find him. He saw a tired looking General Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye wave to him, and the rest of their crew hobbling over to a table lined with food prepared for the soldiers.

Where was Ed? Despite popular belief, his brother was small, but certainly not hard to miss with his unusual features. After another minute or so he heard Winry squeal in delight and he turned to meet the smiling gaze of Edwards golden eyes. His brother stood before them, bandaged, and limping slightly as he grinned in only a way he could. If they could Alphonse knew his eyes would be watering…he was so happy, he could die. For a minute there he had thought Ed would not be coming.

But he was here and he was safe.

"Hey there Al, miss me?" Edward said waving at the younger boy.

" Brother!"

Alphonse could not contain his happiness any longer, he jumped up and rushed over to his brother, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

Literally bone crushing.

There was a sickening crack that went unnoticed by the large boy who kept holding his brother, even when the others tried to tell him that something was wrong.

Edward elric survived the war, but was unable to defend himself from his brothers' unfaltering devotion.

Love hurts.


	5. scarlet on the tile

Death V: Scarlet on the tile

Edward Elric entered the restroom of his military dorms and locked the door securely behind him. He had taken the night off and was not expecting visitors, but he could take no chances. He needed to be alone.

Even if he was always alone.

_There were two birds that sat on the stone…_

He hummed to himself as he turned on the faucet, and watched the water pour into the slowly filling sink. Then he turned towards the bathtub and pulled back the curtain…

_ Fa, la, la, la, lal de…_

It was an old familiar tune. Its lyrics lost on the tide of times long gone. He remembered his mother singing it to him and his brother when they were small and scared.

When they were lonely.

_One flew away, and then there was one… _

His mother was beautiful and kind. The boy remembered her as sat down on the cold porcelain floor of the graying tub. She had a beautiful smile. He loved her and yet… he could do nothing for her. She did not deserve to die the way she did.

Alone.

_Fa, la, la, la, lal de…_

The knife glittered in his hand. It's cold blade freezing the side of his neck, tauntingly reminding him of the cold touch of his brothers' armor. Much too cold for such a warm hearted person, Edward shuddered as the blade connected with his flesh, cutting soft, pale skin. He made him that way, for years his brother lived as empty shell because of him…

Cold and alone.

_The other flew after, and then there was none…_

Blood splattered the once white tile before him as Edward cried, tears mixing with red. Why did he leave? Why did he leave him alone? He was all he had…all he had…

Now he was all…

_Fa, la, la, la, lal de…_

The blood pooled in the tub.

Silence ensued, except for a morbid tune echoing without a voice.

_And so the poor stone was left all alone…_

It was three days later when someone thought to look for the boy. A funeral was held in his honor, and almost all of Amestris came to pay respects.

The dorm room of the Elric brothers was rented out to another soldier, because sometimes the memory of an old forgotten lullaby could be heard in the halls. With no words and no voice…

They were never alone again

_Fa, la, la, la, lal de…_


	6. Pwned requested

Death VI: PWNED!!!

"Move it or lose it pipsqueak! Or can't those short legs of yours keep up with me!" Envy called behind him, narrowly avoiding hitting a car head on. He was currently being chased by a rather dangerous looking state alchemist, who did not seem happy that he had currently blown up half of Central.

"Who are you calling a PIPSQUEAK?! You gender confused freak? What kind of man in his right mind wears a skirt?" yelled the aforementioned short alchemist.

"It's a skort and I am not a freak." Envy replied sullenly, hurt by the remark. It was not his fault he could manipulate his sex. It did not matter anyway in the end he was ALL male. He huffed indignantly and hopped over an oncoming truck, leaving traffic to head to the country outskirts of Central City, hoping beyond all hope that the volatile teen behind him would get the hint and leave him be.

No such luck.

It was another day of crime fighting for the great Fullmetal Alchemist, Genius prodigy, and hero of the people, Edward Elric, as he raced down the streets of Central city. Today the homunculus Envy, made an attempt to kidnap Alphonse, blow up central, and all in all beat the living hell out of Ed himself. He all but failed, only succeeding in detonating two bombs, mildly damaging Central command. Mostly near to the Colonels office, Ed noticed amusedly. After an extensive game of cat and mouse, hurtling over fences, and oncoming traffic, the young alchemist finally cornered the deranged product of alchemically animated flesh at the edge of a cliff.

"There is no way to escape now you bastard! Come willing and I won't hurt you… much."

Envy rolled his eyes.

Ed waited.

A stare down ensued, ending in Envy turning around and flipping his 'Skort' pointing to his behind in the universal symbol for 'kiss my ass'.

Ed bristled.

Envy laughed.

Ed charged.

Envy squealed and threw up his hands in defense, unable to run for fear of falling. He prepared himself for the oncoming fight.

One…

Two…

Three…

Three and half…

Three and three quarters….

Huh?

Envy opened his eyes to see a small red blur roll pass him, tumbling over the edge of the cliff. It hit the bottom, with a loud BOOM, leaving a large crimson stain on the ground.

The homunculus turned his gaze from the mess to a small rock with a leather boot beside it. Apparently, Fullmetal had tripped over it while chasing him, and lost balance, splattering to the ground.

Uh-oh Father was not going to like this.

Whistling in a nonchalant manner, Envy stood and walked away. Upon stepping on the boot, he snorted.

Pwned by rock.

Idea contributed by 9shadowcat9, hope you like it. I am not really good with humor.


	7. Shot on sight

Death VII: SHOT ON SIGHT

He had heard the sound before he even had time to open his eyes.

Everything was so dark and muffled as he lay on the cold ground of the laboratory's underground storage system. His body ached and he felt so tired, but it was nice to feel again. The dull pain, and the way the cold seeped into his naked skin. It felt so good, and yet… he was was so dark and his eyes were glued shut, and his limbs refused to move.

Where was brother?

He wanted his brother to hold him and make the fear go away. They had succeeded. He had his body back. He was whole again. But where was brother?

He wanted to touch his brother, hold him, and_ feel _him…smell the scent of his hair.

Brother was the only one who could make this complete.

Alphonse tried in vain to open his eyes, remembering that Edward could not be far from him. He was probably giving him a moment to adjust before making himself known.

It was okay though. He was fine. He just needed Ed to hold him.

He heard the sound before he even had time to open his eyes.

There were loud footsteps surrounding him, and voices he could not make out yelling. He opened his eyes to find himself drenched in blood, over sixty Amestrian soldiers surrounding him, they lined up almost precisely on the lines of the now faded transmutation circle. Panicked, the boy searched around, now more than ever in need of the comforting presence of his older brother.

His heart stopped when he noticed a figure lay before him, the red coat and long golden hair unmistakable. Alphonse blinked tears from his sliver eyes, as he realized the blood had come from the body before him.

No…that isn't possible…no

"Brother..?" he reached a shaky hand out towards the other boy, and turned him over gently. His released a small sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob at the sight of his brothers' bloodied face. His golden eyes were wide and blank, and a small hole was visible just below his left temple.

They had shot him.

They had killed him.

A wave of sorrow flashed over Alphonse as his openly wept over his brothers lifeless body.

Why? Why? Why?

This was not fair. It was not right.

Why?

The world went blank and soon the small boy found himself clutching Edward close to him. "

Brother…"

The blood caking his unclothed skin no longer purely his brothers, more soldiers came but Alphonse did not care he just held tight, repeating his mantra over and over again. A tall dark haired military man stood before him, expertly aiming his gun his way.

It did not matter.

Nothing mattered anymore.

He was alone…alone with his brother.

That was all he ever needed.

But brother would not wake up, would not smile at him, or hold him, and tell him that everything was fine now.

The man pulled the trigger and Alphonse looked up, his sliver eyes glistening with tears.

_Why? _

* * *

This is actually Alphonse's point of view on the scene when Roy kills him, in my AU story To Wish upon. It was requested by a friend of mine. Edward is not the only person to die this chapter. I am sorry if it was bad, I am actually writing this in my college class out of complete boredom. If you like this story check out To Wish upon, it has one more chapter left until it is complete. Thank you for reading.


	8. Life Insurance

Death VIII: Life Insurance

The door to Colonel Mustangs Central Command office creaked open slowly, as a rather unusually timid looking Fullmetal Alchemist entered. He peaked around the corner; golden eyes darting nervously from side to side, as if seeking out some danger. Finally, he shut the door behind him and almost ran towards the couch in front of the Colonels' desk. Roy raised an eyebrow curiously at his youngest subordinates' actions, and smirked.

"What in the world is the matter with you Fullmetal? You act as though someone is hunting you down." He teased placing his check in the palm of his hand, eyeing the now shaking boy in front of him. Edward gulped and stood to lean over Mustangs' desk as if to whisper some horrible secret to the man.

"Someone is trying to kill me." He said hands clenching the fabric of his pants. "I think they already have, many times, I've been shot, squished and even killed by bananas'. I know I have and then I wake up in bed the next morning, only to be killed off again by the afternoon. I've narrowly avoided death today at least ten times. I have to stay away from dangerous things, you don't know how weird it feels to die everyday!"

The boy panted and glance at his superior who was giving him a strange look.

"You think I'm crazy don't you?" Edward sat back in the couch with a huff, ranting a typical 'I'm not crazy rant.' Mustang sighed deeply and stood moving from behind his desk to stand before the small teen. "I said nothing of the sort Edward. In fact that's why you're here." Ed gave the man an incredulous look.

"What?"

"Well, this morning I received a letter from an important official explaining in detail your unusual…predicament and the Fuhrer thinks that if you are indeed going to die everyday then the least the military could do is offer you good life insurance." At this Edward started and Roy placed a large stack of paperwork on his lap. "I have filled out the bulk of it for you. Normally we would offer this to soldiers who are of age and battle ready, but if we have to have a funeral for you every day then this should cover your expenses."

The boy stared down at his lap then up at Roy. He stuttered. "Life insurance? Predicament? Where is the asshole that sent you this letter? Obviously that bastard knows something I Don't!"

"That would be me." The office door once again opened and a girl with long black hair entered the room. She wore black from head to toe, with a pair of small read reading glasses on her face, her unruly hair was tied in a long braided reaching her thigh. She walked over to the Colonel and Edward barely reaching Roy's shoulder and smiled.

"Ah! Ms. Altoire, a pleasure to see you again." Mustang greeted bowing slightly. Faith returned the gesture and then turned to Ed, extending a pale hand to the boy. "I can not tell you how much of an honor it is to finally meet you in person Mr. Elric. I am Faith Altoire, author of this story."

Edward ignored her hand and growled. "Story?" he turned to Mustang.

"What the hell is this bitch talking about?" Faith pouted at being called a rude name but said nothing about it as she moved to sit beside the enraged sate alchemist. He turned to her for a moment, his eyes calculating as he took in the long knives in her thigh high boots and the revolver on her belt. His eyes widened when he noticed the sliver chain protruding from her pocket. "You're a state alchemist?" the girl glanced up from the notebook she was writing in and stared blankly at him for a second, then she chuckled to herself, waving a dismissing hand. "Oh…gracious no! I don't have the mind or patience for that. This…" she pulled out the pocket watch, clicking it open. "…Is simply a toy. I bought it on eBay."

Before Ed could question what that was, Mustang attempted to intercede, but was interrupted by the door opening once again, revealing a tall man with long silver hair, holding a try of drinks.

"Ryu-sama!" Faith exclaimed ushering the man in, and signaling him to place the drinks on the table in front of the couch. "This is my elder brother, Ryu. He was bored waiting outside, so I told him to get us some drinks. We have a long discussion ahead of us and I thought you might be thirsty. Thank you Nii-san." The man grunted nodded once and stood by the door at his full height, arms crossed menacingly.

"That was extremely thoughtful of you." Roy commented as his took his offered drink. Edward stared at the cup of orange juice before him. It was his favorite. How did this woman know that? Finding that he did not much care anymore he shrugged and reached for the glass. "As I was about to say earlier before…" Roy glanced nervously at the man at the door who was shooting them all, including Faith, a murderous glare. "…before I was interrupted. Edward you are now a part of Ms. Altoire's story. "A hundred ways to die: Edward Elric Style" She plans on having you killed a different way every chapter. That is why you have been dying a lot recently."

The boy nodded much too confused to even care to ask how that was even possible. He drank his delicious tasting drink, and tried to find a happy place in his mind.

"Take note that I do not do this because I dislike you, in fact you are my third favorite character of the FMA series, but I think it's cute when you die, because I am an anime sadist and must kill to get my relief. In reality this very scene is a chapter of my story and the only reason my brother and I are here is because it was requested that we appear by a close friend of mind who enjoys it when an author makes a cameo role and she has a huge crush on Ryu. Since this is indeed a chapter of the story, in order to keep with themes, I am sorry to say that I have to kill you now."

Edward spit out the remaining juice in his mouth as he once again eyed the gun at the girls side. He turned with wide eyes on the Colonel, a silent but desperate plea for salvation written on his face. Mustang nodded sadly, pointing to a signed contract in his hands.

"No hard feelings?" Faith asked smiling as Ed stepped back.

"Please don't do this! I don't want to be shot or stabbed…PLEASE!"

The young woman laughed slightly. "Silly boy. You have already been shot and as much as I like blood my mom would be very angry if I got it all over my clothes right before church. I like you so I got a less painful way to kill you this time." An evil glint shone in her eyes as she stood and Edward felt his heart breathing hitch as fell forward. "I poisoned your drink."

After a moment of staring at the lifeless body on the floor, Ryu finally spoke.

"Meters running and I ain't paying." He walked out the door as his sister stood startled. "O h my goodness he's right! Look at the time, where does it just go? It was nice seeing you again Colonel! Don't forget the insurance papers, saves a load off of me seeing as I'm about as poor as a dust speck. Bye!" with that she ran out the door calling for her brother to wait for her and demanding that it was his tur to pay the fair.

Roy mustang stood in his now quiet office staring down at Edward.

"Great, now everyone's going to think I killed him. That's just paperwork waiting to happen." He sighed and walked over the body to sit back at his desk.


	9. bacteria

Death VIV: BACTERIA

11:00pm

Alphonse Elric sat in the hospitals gray waiting room, anxiously passing the time until he was allowed to see his big brother. Winry had fallen asleep on the chair beside him, her head resting on his shoulder. Tearstains laced both of their checks, the rims of their eyes now becoming an interesting shade of red and black. It had been five agonizing hours now since Edward had been admitted and the once crowded emergency room had now dwindled down to a few anxious individuals. There was the usual man pacing back and forth, obviously awaiting the moment when he becomes a father, and a couple with a little boy who had broke his arm playing baseball. It was the usual line up; all with the usual reasons…except for them, had their situation been usual, perhaps then they would have been able to avoid it.

"_It'll be okay Al… Just the usual terrorists attack. You know the sort that bastard General of ours is too lazy to handle. I'll be fine and home in time for dinner." Edward had said to them with a smile._

But it had not been fine. The so- called terrorists group had fled long before the alchemist had arrived, leaving their place a small, terrified young girl. Edward had thought everything fine when he brought the child back to base, only to have her die in his arms. It turned out that she was the attack; the girl carried on her a communal bacterium that is passed on through touch. Once infected, the host body is eaten from the inside out. They die within six hours between contacts.

11: 45

It had been almost five already, and the doctors had made it clear to both teens the stood waiting for Edward that there was no cure. Alphonse did not care; he just wanted to see his brother.

Even if seeing him die would kill him.

"I'm looking for the parties that are here for Major Elric." Spoke a tall doctor with a clipboard as he entered the room. Winry and Alphonse stood silently, and followed the doctor out as if it were their own funeral procession. He led them to a small glass window.

12:00

"Now, I know you are aware of Major Elric's condition and being his family it is your right to see him. But I highly advise against it. Military orders are to keep him isolated at all times, so you would only be able to see him through here. You still have a choice. Say your goodbyes now, or remember him the way he always was."

Winry swallowed and glanced over towards Alphonse. He knew what she was thinking. Leave now, and always see Ed the way they always saw him, strong, brave and kind, nothing ever bringing him down, opposed to the helpless person they were bound to see in the room before them. Al nodded once, and Winry sobbed, hugging him tightly before running down the hall. She was not strong enough. She could not bear to see him that way, but he would always remain her hero. Her prince that always rode to her aid, no matter the circumstances, and as Alphonse stood facing his brother behind the glass.

He knew in his heart that Edward would always remain his hero too.


	10. kitties revenge

Death X: Kitty poison

"Brother!"

"How many times do I have to tell you Alphonse we can't keep it?" yelled Edward as he struggled to keep the small gray kitten that his younger brother had recently snuck home with him, tightly in his grasp. The aforementioned kitten was quite feisty for something its size, and the boy found it hard to keep it from leaping out of his arms, and back to Alphonse. The younger boy pouted, as well as a suit of armor could pout, as he moved closer to his brother.

"Please brother? He was calling for us…l can take care of him. Please."

Edward rolled his eyes, as he imagined his brothers' infamous puppy dog look imprinted on the steel helm. Just thinking about Alphonses' adorable face almost made him concede.

Almost.

"No Al, he goes back and that's final." He stated opening the front door and exiting, the kitten still kept firmly in his arms.

"I hate you brother! Why are you so mean? One day you'll think back on this and regret it!" Alphonse huffed and sat on the ground. Edward rolled his eyes, yelping when the cat viciously scratched the palm of his hand, as he threw it out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

The next day Edward came down with a horrible fever, he died a weekend later.

No one knew what caused it.

Except for the kitten that got it's revenge once and for all.

:3 Meow!

* * *

requested by a close friend. Hope you like it.


	11. headlights

Death XI: HEADLIGHTS

THE GREAT FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST DIES IN HIT AND RUN

Lieutenant Jean Havoc. — One of two military personal struck by a prototype SUV in outside of Central Command Friday afternoon was recovering Saturday. His 16-year-old coworker the well renowned Fullmetal Alchemist was killed that day.

Edward Elric died after the collision on Command Road, near the train station, around 3:10 p.m.

Jean, 26, suffered serious injuries and was taken to Central Hospital. He had improved to good condition late Saturday morning.

Jean Havoc, 26, and Edward Elric, 16, were crossing Command Road to get to a fast food restaurant at about 3 p.m. when they were hit by the gray SUV.

Police said they did not expect to file charges against the driver of the SUV. Through a friend, the driver said his thoughts and prayers were with the boy's families.

Elric's younger brother, Alphonse, said the soldiers, employed under General Roy Mustang at Central Command HQ, had gone out after practice and was returning across the road at the time of the collision.

"This is a very dangerous intersection," he said obviously distressed. "There have been many accidents on this one. I told my brother to be careful. He never listens."

Riza Hawkeye, who works with the two, said she regularly saw the young boy try to cross. She and others voiced a hope that he would listen before something like this happened.

"He was a good boy," She said. "Just hardheaded and thought that he could survive anything."

Roy Mustang said that he had no comment on Major Elric's death.

The country of Amestris has lost a great hero of the people, but it is hoped that military and civilians alike take care while crossing the street.

Requested by Kit


	12. Jealousy requested & meet Dahlia &mutt

Death XI: Jealousy

"Come on pipsqueak. Just this once."

"No. I-I can't—this is his office. He'll come in and—"

Roy Mustang could not believe his ears. He had just been returning from a meeting with General Hakuro, and had stopped for a cup of coffee, when he heard voices from within his office.

Familiar voices.

"What's the matter Fullbitty? Afraid your boyfriend will show up and bust us."

A rough voice whispered, which Roy immediately recognized its owner as the wretched homunculus known as Envy, its tone dripping with venom, and sadistic pleasure. There was a conspiracy going on in central HQ and he was going to get to the bottom of it, especially when the other occupant squeaked in response.

"S-stop! Don't come any closer! "

"C'mon it's just…one…kiss."

The Colonel could not believe his ears. This creature…this vile, despicable DEMON… that murdered his best friend and made his life a living hell, was trying to kiss Fullmetal. HIS Fullmetal! Over his dead body would he let that happen. Slowly, Roy reached into his belt and pulled out his small revolver, eyes blazing with rage and… jealousy? Why would he be jealous of the gender confused freak? Edward was his, his love, his everything! That bastard was going to die. Smashing open the door with all the forced of an NYPD officer, the colonel turned and fired into the room, the bullets meeting their target with a satisfying squelch.

Just when he was about to comfort his love, with all the bravado of a soap opera hero, he turned around.

Only to find he had missed his target…

…and hit Fullmetal.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!"

*requested by 9 shadowcat9

(Ps: I Faith Altoire do not have a preferance for Royed fanfics, or any other FMA yaoi pairings. The only relationship I am fond of seeing these two in are of the parental sort. However 9shadowcat9 is a loyaql fan and this story is supposed to run on requests... I do however instist that no one else request anything relating to yaoi, because I'm scarred enough as it is... thank you)

* * *

Omake: Meet Dahlia and Mutt. ( Written by Dahlia and Mutt)

A tall, dark haired young man walks across the now blank writing screen. He carries with him a large stack of handwritten papers, and is followed closely by a short, bubbly girl. He stops in front of a magically appearing desk and neatly places the papers to the side, helping his small companion onto the top.

He clears his throat and retrieves one of the papers.

"Hello, readers of 100 ways to die Ed Elric style. I am Mutt and this…' here he gestures to the girl on table. "…is Dahlia. We are Faith's editors and best friends, and are here to relay a few messages she sent with us to you."

Dahlia: "Faith wishes to apologize if her latest chapters have been out of sorts. She was hit with a rather graphic Elricest porn bomb a few weeks ago, and her mind has not yet fully recovered. When it does she will be released from her holding cell in the rehab center down the block and be able to actually write, instead of dictating to us from the cold gray bars."

Mutt: "Snicker* She also wants us to tell you that she has decided to post both Flying Dreams and Children of Flammel first, so keep an eye out for the first chapters. Also she has a birthday gift for Dahlia coming up too, a FMA version of Alice in wonderland. She writes here in her note that yes she knows how stupid that sounds, but bare with her as it is a gift to her best friend and she promises that it will be entertaining to say the least."

Dahlia: "Faith's web page is almost up! Come read your favorite stories with music, videos, and illustrations. Check her profile to see when it's done."

Mutt: "She left some notes here for specific reviewers so I'm just gonna read them as is…

To the reviewer who calls themselves hammi:

"Faith agrees with the killing of Alphonse notion, it really pains her to do so but sometimes it is necessary. Thank you for your review: 3"

To the reviewer who calls themselves CookieMonster:

" Yes it is true that Ling ate more than a hundred of the bananas, but he stopped way before Ed did, and plus he ate them in intervals so the potassium could be absorbed easily into his system. Plus he is Xinganese he mostly has a motabalism greater than Ed's. See? :3 Thank you for the brilliant question and review."

Mutt: Alright well it's time to go. We apologize if are writing sucks in comparison to Faith's, but we don't major in it like she does.

Dahlia: Also Faith said to tell you all that the other stories such as cupboard soldiers and Alchemist of oz, will be posted as well so don't worry if you voted for them, also please check out the final chapter of to wish upon she is dying to get a response, and don't forget about this story because it will be constantly updated because once she starts something she won't stop until it's finished.

Bye bye!


	13. Dark depths

Death XIII: Dark Depths

It's safe to say that in the relatively short amount of years he had lived, that Edward Elric had never been particularly fond of water. Sure, as a child he would often go fishing with his younger brother, or venture out to play by the riverside with his friends. Those were wonderful memories that he would cherish deeply until the end of time, but the fact still remained that even though the sight of flowing waves calmed him, and the feel of a warm shower soothed his aching muscles after a long day, he still tried his best to steer clear away from large bodies of water.

The most prominent reason being was that he could not swim.

When he was young the children of Resembul had all been taught to swim by their parents, but it was mainly the fathers' responsibility and Edward's mother had been much to busy to teach him and is brother. That was why, one day when his best friend Winry had said she would show them how neither knew what would happen. It seemed easy to the eldest child, especially after his baby brother had caught on so quickly. He could do it; he thought, everyone would be happy, Winry, Alphonse, and Mama… maybe even his father when he returned from his trip. How proud would he be when he saw that his big boy had learned all on his lonesome?

So Edward tried and failed miserably. It was embarrassing to have had Winry to dive in after him. To be saved by a girl, and then have his little brother fuss over him, until they both ran crying to his mother about how he had almost died. Ed had told them that he was okay, but in truth he was far from it, he tried to swim again after that. He was too afraid back then, and even if had wanted too when he got older it would have been impossible. Yet another thing his auto mail hindered him from doing. He could not even FLOAT due to the slabs of heavy weighted steel that were attached to his body… let along swim.

The whole point of this explanation his to tell you that by all rights Edward Elric should have _known _that diving headlong off a ship into the ocean was a bad idea. A horrible idea, one that would get him killed…but as he felt the water pressure against his skin, and the auto mail drag his limp body down, as the last of his oxygen left his body in an ironically floating feeling. He knew he did not care, because he had to save them. Even if he died he had to pull her out of the water like she had done years ago when their lives had been simple by the riverside. He had to grasp that no so tiny anymore hand of his little brother and let him know that he was safe.

He had too.

They were all he had left in the world.

But he could not… and he knew it and he felt his tears mix with the salt water around him, as sank father into the dark abyss below.

Hey ya! I'm back…I guess. :3 This is a request by Irato I hope you like it, it was kind of based on my experiences with swimming I can't swim. Not to save my life…or anyone else's. I found internet! But I don't know when the next update will be I just don't want people to think I've left and you're probably tired of authors' notes by now. My poor assistant Mutt has just been shipped to basic training right now so wish him luck. Thanks too all of you who got me out of my FMA is over depression, I will make it live on so come along if you want to join the ride, if you don't trust me then theres always brotherhood….he heh. Any way to the reader who call themselves brichamp123 thank you for the beautiful story, I love long reviews, and especially if they have touching stories to share. See ya all later!


	14. Anti Acid

Death XV: Anti-acid

Deep in the catacombs of the forgotten city, the famous or infamous (however you see it) Fullmetal alchemist was once again in the mist of a grand battle with his archenemies the homunculi. And although only three had stayed to fight him this time around, the small teen was having a hard time fending them off.

"Back off you freaks! I'm gonna recycle you like trash!" yelled Ed from behind a large container, as he dodge yet another fury of blows from the homunculus Lusts razor sharp claws. Envy stood nearby, not really participating, but enjoying the show. Gluttony, ever eager to help his lust, was swallowing random things ever second and spitting them back at the young teen, like a deranged Kirby. It seemed as though on the surface, some construction team had once been building something and all their waste had been dumped down here. Not having the brain cells to process this or to read the label on the container he now held in his plump hands, Gluttony gulped down the entire contents without a first or second thought to it and continued on.

Envy had finally joined the fray and was currently attempting to strangle Edward, while the volatile teen kneed him in the gut continuously. Lust took Envy's role as the spectator, and feeling queasy, Gluttony moved over towards her, pulling at her dress.

"Lust my tummy hurts" he whimpered, bulbous tears forming in his eyes as he rubbed his large stomach. Lust sighed deeply, dodging to right as a large projectile that might once have been a porta-potty flew her way. "Not now Gluttony can't you see we have a job to do. Your probably just hungry as usual go eat something and leave me be." She said, waving a dismissing hand. Gluttony gagged slightly at the mention of food and glanced around towards the spot where Edward and Envy were currently duking it out like two high school girls at lunch.

"My tummy hurts." He yelled to them in confusion, in vague hopes that they would help him. The two brawlers paid him no mind at first.

So he decided to scream louder.

"MY TUMMY HURTS!"

"NO ONE CARES DAMNIT!" yelled Edward as he shoved Envy viciously off of him, sending the sin high flying right into… Gluttony's stomach.

Groaning slightly Envy was able to move out of the way just in time as the large Sin whined and began to regurgitate his latest menu, which consisted of toxic waste.

Edward was not so lucky.

In the end all that remained of the Fullmetal Alchemist was small, unrecognizable puddle.

A very, very small puddle.

Hey Guys, long time no see. So I'm back now and hope you guys haven't left me. I have a laptop now (but no internet) so updates will be sooner. I'm planning at least five by Monday so be prepared. Thank you for all your request but right now I'm on back order and it's all so hard to keep up. I want to get everyone's stories in so for now if you have an idea right it down in a note book or something until I announced that I'm taking request again. Also does anyone know the exact amount of sens that Edward borrowed from Roy in order to call Winry in the manga (and brotherhood I suppose I haven't gotten that far.) I need to know for the next chapter. Its going to be heart wrenching…or not.

Thanks again.

PS. To Irato. No problem. I'm glad you liked the chapter, I was worried you wouldn't.


	15. Torture

Death XVI: Torture

Jean Havoc never went to war.

It was true that he had been one of the best men in his academy class. A marksmanship, infantry, intelligence…he had lots of strengths. That was probably why he was put on Colonel Mustangs' team, but unlike many of his coworkers, he had been too young to enter military during Ishbal and had grown up in the Southern side of Amestris knowing nothing of the gruesome horrors that were presented to a person during battle. Aside from a few murder investigations the lieutenant hardly came in contact with any kind of cruel and unusual fate that happened to befall people.

Despite that, Jean Havoc had always thought he could handle the sight of a dead, mangled body if the need should ever arise. After all he was a soldier.

He was wrong.

Perhaps it was because he had _known_ the kid. He had teased, and worked beside him, had saved and been saved by him, had been a constant male figure throughout the young boys awkward years. It's funny how things feel so much more real, more human, when you can remember clearly eating lunch beside the victim just the other day.

It hurts just so much more.

Jean had not been prepared for the sight that met him when he broke down that cellar down and rushed into the dark room. He had been expecting to see Edward there, perhaps tied up and beaten, or sitting atop a pile of unconscious kidnappers, that customary smirk upon his face, demanding why they were so late, he was getting bored.

But they had indeed been too late.

When they arrived the terrorist were all but gone, caught at the end of their escape route by a horde of Mps. Havoc was the first to see it, the body dangling from the ceiling, attached to a chandelier that only increased the fluid motion of the large chain that held it. There was a meat hook embedded deep within the boys left shoulder. His auto mail was missing and there were small cuts, bruises and burns littering his much too pale skin. The long golden hair was loose, covering his face and plastered with dried blood and soot. Tentatively, frightened but knowing he had no choice, he soldier gently lifted the boys chin to look towards him and he bit his lip turning away instantly in disgust and remorse.

The boys eyes…they were gone…completely severed from their sockets.

It was too painful to see that disfigured face and impose it upon the image of and strong boy with some much life left to live.

Most of the crew was busy attempting to pry the Colonel off of the head terrorist as he continue without stopping to pound on him, all the while screaming incoherencies. Lieutenant Hawkeye was in complete tears, which they surprisingly did not commented on… she had considered the boy a son of her own after all. One of two new company members a private named Altoire was comforting her, while the other a Captain from the east-southern region codenamed Mutt, helped Havoc get Edward down.

Jean Havoc glanced around at the fellow members of crew, and thought…

We are the ones who suffered the real torture.


	16. Stewed

Death XVII: Stewed

In celebration of the return of Alphonse's body and Roy's promotion to Fuehrer, Winry and the Elric brothers were preparing a dinner complete with everyone's favorite food. There were sandwiches for Breda, and crepes for Havoc. Roy ordered a gourmet array of foods all dealing in the chicken department and even Hawkeye joined in with a request of curry rice.

Of course everyone already knew what Edward wanted.

"No, Ed, not yet." Winry called after placing the crepes in the oven. She stood, wiping her hands and turning to meet the pleading gaze of her best friend. Ed pouted slightly and opened his mouth to protest.

"But—"

"Not yet, it isn't ready"

"Just a taste?"

"No."

"Pleas—"

BANG!

"Ow!"

"Damnit, Edward!" The young woman yelled, replacing her deadly wrench into her back pocket. " I said no!"

DING!

"Great, that's probably the Fuehrer and the others now. Tell Alphonse to check the crapes if I don't get back soon enough. And DON'T TOUCH THE STEW!"

And with that the stew NAZI exited the kitchen…Leaving Edward and his prey alone.

He stared as, placed almost purposely before the young alchemist was a large, boiling pot of stew, slightly taller than himself. Its wonderful aroma rose in thick puffs, teasing the boy's nose and awakening his taste buds. It was too much to bare…surely no one would notice.

Standing on top of a small chair, Edward reached in, only to realize he forgot the spoon. In trying to multitask and reach back towards the counter the boy wobbled on the chair.

The resounding splash was not heard over the sounds of laughter in the dining room.

It was when Winry realized that Edward had not eaten his stew, did they notice the floating red coat in the now simmering water.


	17. Monster

Death XVII Monster

_"Let go of me!"_

I had hit him. I had _hit_ him.

In a fit of blind rage, confusion, and disappointment, I had hit my brother.

_Your Brother…_

No! He wasn't…he lied to me, lied about everything…about mom, about him…about…

Me.

_But he is your brother. You love him and he loves you. You would do anything for each other._

I'm not real! He created me. Alphonse Elric never existed. He used me for power and fame. Used the excuse of having to take care of his weak, bodiless little brother, so he could become a state alchemist! So he could join the military and gain all the fame and riches, become the hero of the people.

**Monster.**

_He hates the military. You know that. He only joined for you. He loves you, No one else._

He doesn't care! It's a fraud, if not why won't he answer me? Why won't he deny it?

_You won't let him. You push him away, strike him even, and he sits there and takes it. His face is slowly bruising from where your steel gauntlet met his skin, already pale, too pale and weak from his injuries at lab five. There are tears in his eyes, not from the hurt of your blow, but from some other unseen pain. You've hurt him this time. Not vice-versa, you._

"Get away! Stay away! ...Stay away from me!"

I scream and back away, watching terrified as he struggles to stand. Winry looks on worried, caught between reassuring me and helping him. He's weak on his feet as he reaches for me, attempting to say something.

_But you don't listen. You're too stubborn, too afraid. You turn as quickly as you can and leap over the rails, off of the roof to land safely on your feet, and you just keep running. He's still calling your name just as desperate as before and yet the thought never occurs to you that despite how injured he is e would follow you._

He won't jump. He wouldn't make it in his condition, besides Winry would hold him back.

_She's not fast enough. He's still calling…screaming for you._

"Alphonse! Alphonse don't go! It's not true! We're all we have! We're all we have!"

There is a small thump on the ground a far ways behind me. My non-existent heart beats faster…if I had a breath it would catch…

…_but you don't turn…don't look to see until it's too late…you already know…_

"Edward!" Winry is screaming over the rails, crying and turning to run back towards the stairs. My eyes rest on the small figure on the ground yards away from my feet. His body a mangled mess of golden locks and tangled limbs, my legs carry me beside him and I reach shaking hands to his pale face, caressing a bruised cheek.

_You did this to him. Broke him…broke his heart._

**Monster.**

**Hey peeps! Look another update, I was rewatching the first FMA series with my little brother the other day and he gave me the idea for this. I have come to the realization that I LOVE this story way too much. So much that I'm neglecting to update any of my other stories…which I don't mean too it just happens. I haven't posted anything but the prologue too my mega crossover since it was published and it was the first story I EVER posted on this account. But I will post soon I just…well kind of…would appreciate…new reviews? Please? They're good, check them out. Please? Anyways I've got 62 reviews for this story! Let's go for a hundred! Yay! Love you all!**


	18. little shop of horrors

Death XVIII Little shop of horrors

"What is it, Havoc?"

"I dunno some sort of rare plant, I guess?"

"Looks more like a weed to me…"

"Where'd it come from?"

"I dunno…"

"I think it's the Colonels…"

"Really? Where'd he get it? A trip?"

"Naw…probably a gift from some chick he dumped last week?"

"She must really hate him. This things really huge, really creepy and really ugly…"

"Don't say that Breda! It's a pretty plant!"

"You're such a dork Furey."

"Hey—"

Slam!

"Honey we're home!"

"Oh...Heya Chief, Al, What's hanging?"

"Nothing much, brother and I just came back from our last mission. We're going to hand in our report to the Colonel now."

"Yea, stinking baster—whoa hey, isn't that the freaky plant from the mission with those hookers?"

"I think so, but was it always so big?"

"I don't kow. Did they ever figure out what it was?"

"I guess not."

"Where in the hell is the Colonel anyway?"

"Not here"

"Haven't seen him since yesterday"

"Just great—"

"Hey I think it's moving!"

"Chief watch out!"

"Brother!"

"Ahhhh-shit!"

Gulp!

"…it ate my brother…"

"Just what the Hell is that thing!"

"The Venus Fly trap**,** _**Dionaea muscipula**_, is a carnivorous plant that catches and digests animal prey—mostly insects and arachnids. Its trapping structure is formed by the terminal portion of each of the plant's leaves and is triggered by tiny hairs on their inner surfaces. When an insect or spider crawling along the leaves contacts a hair, the trap closes if a different hair is contacted within twenty seconds of the first strik—"

"Falman! When did you get here?"

"So does that mean it thought brother was a bug?"

"I thought he was a delicious little appetizer!"

"…."

"I'm going home."

"Me too."

"I agree"

"Wait for me!"

"Brother!"

"Yum."

Two updates in one day. My class is sooo boring.


	19. Hero

Death XIX Hero

Alphonse pressed his shaking hands over the massive hole in his brothers' stomach as he tried desperately to stop the blood flow and clam his own raging heart. He ignored the sounds of battle around him, the crackling of flames, and clattering of swords, and vainly attempted to cease the onslaught of tears that poured down his cheeks. It didn't matter anymore, this journey, the war…what did saving the world mean to him if his most important person wasn't in it anymore? If he was alone, then why fight? The boy found his thoughts broken by the feel of a metal hand wrapped around his own as trembling; flesh fingers caressed the side of his face. He looked down to meet the now dimmed golden eyes of his elder brother.

"Nii-san..?" he whimpered, biting his lip in fear. Edward smiled weakly up at him, his face pale as he cupped the younger boy's cheek. "Aru…please…don't cry…" he whispered, and Alphonse only felt the tears come faster at those words. Why shouldn't I cry? He felt like asking. You're leaving me…I'm going to be all alone and I can't stop it… I can't save you… "Why Nii-san… why did you?" he sobbed instead. Behind him he could hear Captain Mustang screaming orders at his crew. Miss. Hawkeye was firing her rifle at the creatures from the corner to the right, and Jean was rigging some sort of explosive at the entrance. Alphonse gazed at the carved transmutation circle beneath his feet that was slowly filling up with his brother's life blood. "I-it was supposed t-to be me…'

Edwards smile widened, and he began to cough, a steady stream of red streaking his ashen skin. He closed his eyes and for a moment Alphonse's heart skipped a beat, until the golden iris's opened again. "Because…" the elder boy began his voice weak yet stable as his hand drifted from his little brothers face. "…I was thinking…how stupid that prophecy was…I mean if your destiny is to slay this monster with that damned sparkly sword of yours…"Here he nodded to the blade the Elven prince had given Alphonse, which now hung at his waist. "…then how is it in order to open the gate to get to this freak in the first place you have to be sacrificed…it's not possi—" another coughing fit erupted from the blondes lips and Alphonse struggled to sit him up. After a moment the coughing ceased and Edward continued, no longer facing the younger boy. "…that's when it hit me…the prophecy only states '…and when the son of Hoenheim's final drop of blood fills the circle…The gate will be unlocked'…you see…"

The golden eyed boy moved to gaze at his brother. "…you aren't… the only son of Hoenheim… I always wondered why there were two of us…if only one was meant to be the savior… but I have a purpose too…" Alphonse sobbed harder, clutching Edward tighter. "…but…Nii-san…You never…never believed in those things… Why now? What if they aren't true? You always told me that I didn't have to follow the scriptures. So…" the boy lifted his hand to caress the elder boy's cheek as he had done to him earlier. Edwards' breathing was slowing and the circle was almost complete. "…so I followed you. What…what am I supposed to do now…without you?"

Once again Edward smiled as his eyes drifted close. "Everyone…" He whispered. "…needs a hero. ..To those people it's you, Aru…and…I have no doubt that you can… save them…as for the scriptures…I don't care…would have done it anyway cause…you're my baby brother…it's my job…to…pro…tect…you…." Edward grew quiet and even though he knew he wouldn't, Alphonse waited for the elder boy to continue. There was no response, no matter how loudly the young boy wailed or how hard he shook him, his brother would not wake…and never would again.

And as the completed circle glowed and his friends continued to fight, Alphonse sat alone in the world, cradling to his chest the shell that once held the soul of the most important person in his life.

"…but" he whispered. "Nii-san...you were…you were **my** hero…"

Hello, hello, hello again… so my friends and I were writing this story and I got to write Ed's death scene [of course here it is!], they want me to post the entire thing up here on ffnet but first I thought I'd ask you guys. I know there isn't much detail in this scene but does it sound interesting to you? Would you read it?

Thank you, please review even if it's just to say hi or to tell me I suck that's okay.

'

'


	20. It was the wrench

Death 20 It was the wrench

He broke his automail…

Again.

All her hard work…smashed to pieces…

Again.

It would take her days to repair…maybe week? She could definitely guarantee that she wouldn't be seeing her bed for a long while.

Once again.

And what does that idiot do? Apologize? No…he's too good for that…thank her? As if the thought ever crossed his mind. No he sits there on the couch drinking tea that grandma made him… Smiling as if there was nothing wrong, as if he weren't covered in bruises and Al wasn't bashed to bits…as if his arm (and this time he even had the nerve to come here with a busted leg…) weren't shattered to smithereens!

Winry Rockbell had, had enough.

Yes, he was her best paying costumer.

Yes, he was her childhood and all around best friend.

Yes, she had a secret crush on him.

But to bring all this work to her on the eve of her eighteenth birthday and not even have the courtesy to properly greet her?

No no no no no….

Not gonna happen.

So, with all the fury of an avenging viper, Winry picked up her wrench (one that was purchased by Edward himself and had been used to bludgeon him with so many times that if you looked closely the name "Edward Elric" was forever engraved on its handle and his dried blood seeped from its cracks.) and moved over towards the couch, careful to not be seen. Out of nowhere, she swung her arm back and watched with satisfaction as the wrench collided solidly with the back of the small boy's head, and he slid to the ground in a puddle of red.

Winry laughed to herself completely satisfied until she hear Al scream and noticed that Ed had not yet gotten up to scream at her. Grandma Pinako rushed to the scene and checked the umoving boy's ppulse.

"Winry?" she stammered, "What did you do?"

The girl rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "…uh…it was the wrench…it slipped…heh"


	21. Good Samaritan

Death 21 Good Samaritan

Stalking was not an act Edward Elric practiced regularly; in fact he found it rather revolting how someone would violate another individual's personal space and privacy all for a little fancy they had.

Alfons Heindrich was everything but a little fancy.

It had been almost a month since Edward had set eyes on the blonde rocket scientist who greatly resembled a grown up version of his lost little brother Alphonse, precisely two whole years after he was forcibly thrown into this cold, lonely world where he had no friends, alchemy, or family. His father had once again just up and disappeared one early Wednesday morning and the sixteen year old was not surprised. He had taken it upon himself to use the money his father had left him and enroll within a nearby university. He had hopes that with the knowledge of the sciences that governed this realm he might find a clue to lead him home.

Instead he found Alfons, oh…how it pained him to see that memorable visage in which was imprinted upon his soul as if it were a part of it, and that achingly beautiful smile that he had longed to see for the good of eight years. Now, Edward was not fooled. He knew all too well that Alfons was not nor could ever be** his** Alphonse, but that did not stop him from wanting to speak to him, to know him, and to protect him in any way he could. Perhaps it was years of being the shielding older brother or maybe it had to do with the throbbing loneliness within his heart, nevertheless he desperately yearned to be a part of that young man's life. He now knew what obsession was and resolved to speak to Alfons as soon as possible.

Their initial meeting had not gone so well…what with the setting fire to that one woman's dress and the cussing and the stories of other worlds and missing little brothers...

…it turned out that this worlds Alphonse had quite a way with colorful words and a temper that almost mirrored Edwards completely…

The former young alchemist thought it was secure enough to assume that it was safer to simply stay away from Mr. Heindrich for the rest of his God given life. And for awhile that was exactly what he did, even after he took on a job with the university's rocket engineering group which forced the two volatile teens to see each other every day (not that Edward had thought of that at all) and he found that they happened to live in the same apartment building owned by this worlds parallel of Gracia Hughes (Funny that, eh?) he kept his distance.

That was until the incident.

It was a Friday afternoon and both Edward and Alfons had left the University for Home. Alfons had to pick up some groceries from the market and Edward suddenly realized he was out of milk. No, he was not following the boy, he was buying milk, and why was he buying milk when he couldn't even stand the look of the vile, putrid cow juice?

…the world may never know…

After an hour of searching through the market, and moving from stand to stand Edward saw Alfons exit from the corner of his eye and decided that he was done himself (No milk, unfortunately, he did however find some fresh oranges) and he followed suit. While navigating through a crushing rush hour crowd the young man spotted his brothers parallel standing off to the side of the road, being harassed by a taller, older looking man who had him gripped him by the wrist. The boy's bags were strewn around the floor and he yelled at his attacker too let him go with a determined yet obviously frightened look on his face. Without thinking Edward rushed forward and plowed into the man with his elbow, knocking him to the ground with a satisfying crash. Smiling in success, he turned to help Alfons up with a sheepish smile, hope beyond all hope that the young rocketeer thought Edward was simply passing through and not following him. As he turned however, he felt a light tap on his shoulder and pivoted to come face to face with the assailant and his six inch hand blade.

Edward felt himself tumble to the cement as the attacker fled and blood pooled from the wound in his chest. At some point Alfons had gotten to his feet and run to his side. He was calling for help, begging for someone to stop and assist him as he removed his outer coat and applied pressure to the injury, but the people moved on their way as if there wasn't anybody bleeding to death on the street corner. Alfons was speaking, asking Edward to answer him, demanding to know why had he stopped to help him, and apologizing for being cruel and spiteful to him earlier…but Edward couldn't answer and it didn't matter much to him anyway. Alfons was there with him and to his fading mind the boy did not appear as the hot tempered scientist he met only weeks prior here in Munich, but the young sliver eyed boy whom Edward had grown up with. In his drowning ears were the sounds of his brother calling for him and he smiled.

"…Alphonse…"

At least he wouldn't die alone.

Hi peeps, thank you for all your loving reviews you make me feel special. This chapter is really just an excuse to introduce Alfons to this story, since he is one of my all time favorite FMA characters' but I just can't seem to fit him into any of my fanfics. I do really love him though. I thought long and hard on what to write in this chapter, opposed to my usual just start typing and it will all come to you attitude. I think the idea of Edward stalking Alfons appealed to me the greatest because that is probably what I would do if I were lost and thought I saw my baby brother around. Most writers portray Alfons to have a temper just like Edward and I agree with that mostly, because he is supposed to be a grown up version of Alphonse who lost his family and lived through World War I.

I have decided to post the story my friends and I are writing (more accurately put I write they spew out random ideas at a minutes' notice:[ ) it will be titled "Hero's circumstance" and it is a fantasy \ adventure based FMA fic in which Alphonse was born in prophecy the savior of the world and he and Edward join a band of pirates in order to cross the sea to reach the gates of purgatory to complete their destiny. It is actually better than it sounds and to tell you the truth the only reason I said yes to my friends was that the idea of having Roy as a pirate Captain killed me. So if you are interested watch out for the posting of that in a week or so (depending on when I can get internet access) also if you have been keeping up with my story "Flying dreams" and my Alice in Wonderland crossover the next chapters for those will also be up around the same time.

Once again I thank you, hope you enjoy and don't forget to drop by and say hi.

-Faith


	22. Toilet seat Alchemist

Death 22 Toilet seat Alchemist

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and the first ever Amestrian Orbital rocket was de-orbiting the planet. Evidently there was a miscalculation in the density in the ionosphere at the point of entry or something like that, the whole thing was supposed to fall in the Eastern Desert but a few pieces made it to the perimeter of Central city including the seat of a 0G toilet.

At this time, well-renowned state alchemist, Edward Elric was heading back to the hotel where he and his younger brother were currently staying. He had fought with superior once again and was in a pretty foul mood as he strutted down the streets of Central. Stopping by the grand fountain, he sighed. _Why is it always me? _He really was beginning to think that somewhere up in the heavens, someone was out to get him. [Faith-Why would he think that?] As he moved to get up he noticed the peculiar sight of a red toad on the sidewalk and while totally focused on this he failed to notice the even more peculiar sight of a flame toilet seat barreling towards him. "Hey, what's a frog doing here?

They say that your entire life flashes in front of you the moment before you die, that might be true if you are terminally ill or your parachute doesn't open, but if death sneaks up on you the only thing you have time to think is...

Edward looked up just in time to see the blur coming at him, and his eyes grew wide.

" Awww shit."

Hello again! I've been meaning to have him killed like this for awhile…just because "Dead like me" is one of the best shows ever. So, the next chapter to my Alice in Wonderland crossover has been posted as well as the first chapter to "Hero's Circumstance" I have internet! Yay! So updates should be sooner. I make no promises; after all I still have school and work. Also if you have time check out my one shot "Walk with me" I need feedback. Okay? Love you. Bye bye

ps: I will award my 100th reviewer with some awesome desktop icons, of your favorite character of choice.


	23. Matters of the Heart

Death 23 Matters of the Heart

"We've done all we can sir. The medications are having no effect and his systems are weakening. The doctor thinks that perhaps he should be taken off the machines, since at the moment…they're only prolonging the inevitable…"

"That option is _**out of the question**_ and you know it, isn't there anything else?"

"A transplant would most likely solve all his problems for good, but his blood type is so rare and there are so many patients waiting for hearts since the war. There is little to no chance of finding a match in time before he shuts down completely."

"Well, why don't you try looking first?"

_click_

"Y-yes, sir!"

Edward sat slumped over in his chair beside his little brother's hospital bed where he had been ever since they had found the younger boy collapsed by the stairs a week before. Alphonse had been almost catatonic since then, slowly drifting in and out of consciousness, because the blood and oxygen he needed wasn't getting to his brain. Heart failure, the doctors had called it. Apparently, he has been suffering with it for awhile and never said anything about it, a trait he picked up from their late mother. Edward snorted to himself, heart failure? How was it possible that a heart so large and pure would fail? Was it because it was so filled with love that it burst at the seams or was it that the hearts around it paid so little mind to it that it slowly crumbled to dust? He didn't know. All he knew was that every moment the monitor that tracked the slow pulse of his little brother beeped off time, his own heart skipped.

_"__Nii-san__what's wrong with me__? __Am I__...__huff__...__going to die?__"_

_"__Of course not, you idiot, don't even think like that__, __you're just sick, that bastard Colonel of ours and I are going to get you to a good doctor and you'll be fine!__"_

_"__Nii-san__...__I'm scared__..."_

_"__Don't be, I promise I'll take care of you__ and __make you right again.__ No matter what it takes I will..."_

"_I know__…__ you always do__…"_

Edward ran a comforting hand through Alphonse's soft hair as he leaned over and pressed his lips to the suffering boys forehead.

_"__Nii-san...__I'm scared__"_

"_I know__…"_

The door opened and shut behind the two, and the young alchemist did not bother to acknowledge the presence of the man behind him. He had heard the outside conversation clearly and although he truly appreciated what the Colonel was doing, it did not stop the irritation and bitterness from swelling in his chest. "There's nothing left to do, right?" He whispered, unnervingly calm even to his own ears, as Roy moved to sit in the seat beside him. The Colonel ran a flustered hand through his own dark locks and sighed, sparing a glance towards the boy who was not really looking at him at all. He wanted to tell the kid it would be fine, that he had everything under control and the child lying before them with the oxygen mask over his face wasn't dying… wasn't fading away with no chance of salvation, but that would be a lie and the man had swore to his young subordinate that he would never again with hold the truth from him. So he nodded briefly and with a shielded face added. "but…there's still always a way, even if we don't believe it Hawkeye is…ah…_persuading_ the doctor to run more tests on Alphonse as we speak." Roy smiled in a sad attempt to lighten the atmosphere. It, of course, had no effect and the man let his face fall slack, turning away from the older brother to the younger who still lay in a slightly drug induced sleep. The room returned to its bleak state of silence as they both watched the dying boy's chest rise and fall as he struggled to breathe. Roy was contemplating getting up and leaving, go back into the hall where he had been pacing for the past week now, and leave the brothers alone, but before he could rise, a small, yet determined voice reached his ears.

"I'm a match."

Roy frowned and turned back to the small alchemist, who still did not raise his head to look at him. "What?" He replied, utterly confused for a moment. Edward finally moved, fixing him with a deep golden stare that spoke of desperation and conviction. "I took the test and our blood, it's a perfect match. We never knew that…" Realization struck him hard and the man bit back the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, forcing a teasing grin on to his face. "That's interesting Fullmetal, but it won't do us any good. Alphonse needs a transplant not an infusion, and you don't have an extra heart to spare." The boy nodded sullenly and turned away once more, shoulders tensing, and what sounded suspiciously like a sob, escaped his lips. Not knowing what else to say, Roy left the room.

It was an hour later when he heard the scream.

He and Hawkeye had been in the lounge trying their best to regain their countenance over a cup of coffee, when the sound echoed down the hallway, and without hesitation they ran. Both the Colonel and the Lieutenant stood in shock at the entrance to Alphonse's ward room. Inside, the doctor that had been treating Alphonse all this time stood, hands raised in the air as he gazed nervously down at the barrel of the small hand gun Edward pointed at him. The boy was trembling, his face crazed and twitching, but the hand holding the gun was steady. "Mr. Elric I just can't do this! You have to understand, it goes against all protocol!" The doctor wailed trying to placate the distraught blonde, as the two outside attempted to open the glass door to find it welded shut. Roy banged the clear surface, willing it to budge, all logic lost to the fear of seeing the boy there, holding a weapon that was slowly changing its target from the frantic doctor to himself. "You can and you will." Edward stated firmly, stepping back so he was in a vacated corner. "You'll take my heart and you'll fix him! As long as I'm a match it should be enough."

Hawkeye ran to get someone, anyone who could open the door before it was too late as Roy continued to slam his fists against it, this time screaming. "No, Edward, No! You can't do this! Think of Alphonse, you of all people should know the terror of being alone! You can't do this to him!" The boy fixed him with a sad smile. "He won't be alone…this…this is the only way we can be together…" Before anyone could stop him, he pulled the trigger. The Colonel turned away as blood splattered against the glass, and the timed Alchemy that Edward had placed on the door ran out and it swung opened to clearly reveal the mess that had once been the Fullmetal Alchemist. Immediately the doctor moved into action and before Roy could process it a number of nurses and surgeons pushed pass him as they entered the room, some telling him that he could no longer be there and must head back to the waiting room.

But he stood there frozen and wondered how this whole matter of hearts ended this way, as he clutched his chest.

The most heart breaking thing by far was after hours of surgery, Alphonse woke up….

And the first thing he asked for was his brother, not knowing he was right there with him all along.

* * *

Yum….I love the smell of updates in the morning. Don't you? I know I said updates wouldn't happen so soon, but it seems the moment I posted that note I felt like writing again. Ha-ha….In other news WE HAVE HIT 100 REVIEWS! I feel so special, and send out thanks to _DMWM _our 100th reviewer as well to all my other faithful reviewers as well. Next chapter we'll have a party in Celebration of the holidays, 100 reviews and the coming of our 25th chapter! We're a quarter ways through [Damn…my baby's getting so big]. I don't know if I will actually post the Christmas carol story after all, but there definitely will be at least a Christmas one-shot. So keep a look out for that. The picture for my one-shot contest is now linked to my profile, so if you are interested you can find it there. Again thank you and don't forget to stop by and spread the love.

-Peace Out


	24. Death and Taxes

Death XXIV Death and Taxes

The saying goes "the only unavoidable things in life are Death and Taxes," Edward did not believe it to be that simple. In fact, given the right incentive he could have scientifically proven on many an occasion that the list of unavoidable things is as long as life itself. It was only condensed, like Jesus did with the Ten Commandments. He did not know, nor did he care, to ever truly understand the entirety of it all, but he did however know that endless lines and meaningless paperwork are two things that must reside on very top of this list. Without a doubt, these things can never be dodged and although he had been known to worm himself out of anything, he had yet to master the art of standing still for hours on end with no apparent escape insight. Sometimes it's hell standing there as if you are at the gates of purgatory, awaiting the keeper's ship to the underworld. No one feels like talking in a line [with the exception of the military lunch lines in which socialization seems to be their only purpose], and they all look as if a murderer had taken a Gatling gun to their foreheads. Of course, most have not finished their paperwork, and instead decide to race the clock and test which is faster-the pace of the line or the strain of their mind.

This is what we find our poor Fullmetal Alchemist doing today, standing in one of these seemingly never ending lines, while hastily trying to complete a number of papers that he had procrastin—uh—neglected to fill out throughout the month that would enable him to keep his government funding and dependant pay. The other people gave him a wide berth as a lengthy string of profanities streamed from his small form, barely visible behind all the taller folk around him. Central bank had just installed several newfound contraptions, such as digital cash counters and a new fully automated rotating door [which Alphonse spent a good portion of the afternoon attempting to pry Edward out of as he continued to race around in circles in what he thought to be an amusing way], and as Ed tired of waiting and began to storm off furiously, claiming to himself that he'd return later when the line was shorter, a series of random events occurred.

From somewhere in the left corner of the building a baby cried, wailing loudly for his small pacifier that lay a few feet away from where a business man sat in a chair finishing off the half-ripe banana he stole for his fifteen minute lunch break. The man stood from his seat, throwing the peal of the banana over his shoulder, where it missed the trash bin by a mile and landed halfway between the never ending line of military men and the revolving door, just as two men with rather large machine guns entered with a demand for all the money the bank held.

The oblivious business man handed the crying baby's mother the child's pacifier as Edward reflexively clapped his hands and ran forward to attack the robbers.

Events have been set in motion, and if you already know what I'm getting to…

Shut the hell up and keep reading Damnit.

Remember the banana peel in our young alchemist's way?

Yep, you guessed it.

It wasn't long before Edward found himself propelled a little faster and farther than he expected, and was even more surprised when his head wedged unceremoniously inside the newly built revolving door…which I may remind you is _**fully automated**_. The resounding squish caused the poor baby to lose his pacifier again and even the robber's lost their lunch. Needless to say Edward learned that death is definitely on that list of unavoidable things, especially when you're Edward Elric and yellow fruit seems to be out to get you.

In short, life sucks and then you die.


	25. Peices

Death XXV: Pieces

Alphonse found himself amazed at how many pieces there were. After all, it was such a small body, where did they all belong too? And the blood…oh…he didn't know what to do with all the blood. It covered everything and everywhere, splattered against the walls and soaking slowly into the ground. It was sure to leave a stain on brother's fine white shirt. Oh…well, he'd clean it up later. After he'd fixed brother and had him all ready and nice again…it would be simple really. Just a patch job and all the pieces would fit together the way a jigsaw puzzle did. He'd be a little rough around the edges but then again hadn't Edward always been that way? It was a trait that made him both frustrating and endearing at the same time. Everyone love him for it…they loved him best, he loved him best and they all would be happy when he was all fixed up.

Right now they were sad, all of them were. They'd been like that since the explosion, since the terrorists came in and took Edward away in exchange for the lives of all the people at the station they were boarding. Brother was like that, he was brave. Always brave, always Strong…Al couldn't be like that. He was weak. He was scared. He needed Ed to be strong for him, to love him. If not, he was sure to never survive. Lieutenant Hawkeye was crying. She had been for a long time, Breda and Fuery were trying to calm her down, but it wasn't working. How could it when they seemed so upset too? Alphonse didn't know why everyone was so distraught. It wasn't like Ed wasn't coming back. He was here; he just needed to be put back together. Yeah…that's all. There's a finger by that bush, see? And another piece just a foot away…the automail was ruined, but he'd ask Winry to fix that later. Look, a blank golden eye was rolling by Alphonse's foot and he hoped that the other wasn't lost because it didn't seem to be anywhere around. Edward wouldn't be right without his lovely golden eyes…

Havoc stopped his frantic sideways pacing every so often to try talk to Alphonse. His words didn't really process in the boys mind and he would reply with an "I'm really busy right now, Mr. Havoc, but could you help me find brothers ear, I'm missing one?" He didn't know where Mustang had disappeared too. The man had merely vanished after seeing the mess, and watching as Alphonse simply knelt on the ground, blood soaking through the knees of his pants as he frantically tried to locate the parts of his brother. That didn't matter. He'd return when Alphonse was finished and everything would be alright. Yes, everything was going to be fine.

Now really, where was that ear?

* * *

I have a sick sense of humor and it's getting worse by the minute. I apologize for lack of updating but I'm back now...so I love you all.

Here's some responses for you:

Elizabeth Petrotsky: I'm glad you enjoyed number 15 as much as I enjoyed writing it.

lois rizzerman: Wow, I'm so flattered. Actually, I have several novels in the process of completion. If you ever see the name Edouard Arcelay, it's mine. Keep a look out for it.

Shaliah Harrelson: For the good of all my life I've obsessed over many things, but never have I BEEN obsessed over. I like it, but my ego is probably not going to fit through the door anymore.

fmgjmke: Go ahead and cry, it's good for you.

and to the reader who calls themself "Anonamous" I don't understand your reviews, but I love you anyway. :3


	26. Cleaver to the Head

Death XXVI Cleaver to the Head

Ed should have known better than to expect his teacher would be happy with him after finding out he was the culprit who put his bright, red, beautiful coat in the wash with all her fine, pristine, white dresses. Yet, he couldn't figure for the life of him why she was so pissed….how was he supposed to know that it would turn the cloths pink? It wasn't he fault! And teacher was a girl anyway, aren't girls_ supposed_ to like pink?

Whatever, it was obvious that didn't matter. At the moment, all that did matter was escaping Dublith before she and her arsenal of cutlery caught up to him. He was making good ground now, but he knew that meant nothing when his teacher was involved. After all, she was the one who trained him; she knew all his tricks better than anyone else. "EDWARD ELRIC YOU LITTLE BRAT! WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! YOU"D BETTER HOPE THAT HEAD OF INVESTIGATIONS IN CENTRAL IS GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE THEY"LL BE SEARCHING FOR YOUR PIECES IN XING!"

….and there she was hot on his heels like the hounds of hell….actually he'd probably prefer them and least it would be quick.

Where to hide? Where to hide? Holy shit-

Out of nowhere, a rather large meat cleaver thrown by none other than Izumi Curtis herself, impeded itself deeply into the top of Edwards head just as he was about to dive into a nearby cardboard box for safety. The boy groaned, folding his arms over his chest in a final act of defiance before managing to grumble out a "Just great…" and collapsing to the ground.

Izumi rushed to stand over her fallen pupil a look of half shock, half anger crossing her features. "Idiot." She said, "I thought I taught him better. You never mix reds in with whites."

….What is this? An update? By Faith? No…it couldn't be…she must've have died remember? Because she abandoned all of you wonderful people.

Wrong.

She didn't abandon you.

Not on purpose, it's just she was having some issues at home, then at school, then at work, then home again, then when those issues were all over ffnet was having issues, and she didn't feel like dealing with those issues….but when this site got over with those issues, she started having more issues and…

Why am I talking in third person?

Right, 'cuz I have issuses.

The whole point of this is I back now…so please don't hate me. I posted a new story too and updates for the others are almost done. Would've had this one done sooner but I was loosing the comedic edge until I saw picture drawn by my new friend zutaraknight244 on DA and out come this…I think I'll start updating daily for this again…I'm sorry. Love you.

-Faith.


	27. Unbearable

Death XXVII Unbearable

Bound and broken, Alphonse could do nothing but watch as his brother was flung harshly into the wall across the room, a loud, sickening crash echoing around as the small body dented the hard concrete and collided roughly to the floor beneath him. The madman laughed, a gurgling, malicious sound and he turned back to the armored boy with a crooked grin. "That should teach you boys…" He cackled; face twisting as he jammed his index finger to Al's chest plate, and then gestured to the graying transmutation circle on the ground, piled with all sorts of scrap metal and the like. "…that you should learn to listen to your elders…" The man banged a fist on the metal plate. "We'll try this again. I want gold and I want a lot of it….and you…" He said, nonchalantly sitting down on a nearby crate. "….Are going to make it for me."

"…Never. I won't do it." Alphonse responded automatically, remembering his brothers' determination even as he felt shivers run down his non-existent spine. The man sighed, and began to play with a loose lock of hair at the side of his face as he eyed the boy calculatingly. Al paid him no attention, instead gazing at the form of his brother but six feet before him, taking comfort in the fact that he could still see from this distance the slow rise and fall of the older boys' chest. Unbeknownst to him the madman watched and as his eyes followed Alphonse's stare his face contorted into something wicked. He stood, slowly pulling a long hunting knife as he spoke. "Well, you leave me with no choice then. If you won't do it, then I have no need for you."

He moved to stand over Edwards' motionless form, gazing down at the unconscious blonde with an almost bored expression upon his face. Alphonse panicked, realization sinking in fast. "No! Please, don't…don't hurt him!" He gasped, wondering how it felt like he was suffocating when he possessed no lungs of his own and he watched the man twirl the knife in hands absently. "…please…I'll do whatever you ask…just, don't hurt him." The man flashed him a sadistic grin and held the knife steadily over Edward. "Naw…" He drawled out, pulling his arm back. "I think I like this idea better." Then he thrust forward, plunging the blade deep into the small boys' chest, and then removing it slowly. Alphonse screamed, desperate to break his bonds and kill the man…help his brother…cry, but he couldn't, instead he was forced to watch as the knife was stabbed again in into Edward's body, the blood spraying the psycho's face as maniacal laughter ran through the room and filled Alphonse with the most unbearable feeling he had ever had in his life.

The man stopped midway on his twentieth thrust at the sound of the door breaking down and tons upon tons of armed soldiers breaking in. Lt. Hawkeye had the man cuffed and ready to go in the blink of an eye while Major Armstrong and Lt. Havoc helped Alphonse out of his strappings. As he was being led out of the room the boy noticed Colonel Mustang kneeling over his brothers' form, a gentle hand brushing matted golden locks. He planned on calling out to man, desperate to know his brothers condition but stopped as Mustang stood tall and he noticed the steady stream of crystalline tears pouring down the soldiers cheeks as he turned to the madman and pulled his fist hard into his face, sending the murdered parading to the ground…all the while the tears fell, not only in the Colonels eyes but in the rest of the crew as well.

Alphonse curled his hands into tight fists and shut himself out of the world.

He wished he could cry too.


	28. WTF ATTACK OF THE KILLER TWINKIES

Death XXVIII ATTACK OF THE KILLER TWINKIES!

Edward Elric never thought he'd die this way.

Oh, he always knew he'd die young. It was just something that was bound to happen eventually, what with his being in the military, fighting undead monsters and overall disregard for his own safety…

Yes, death always seemed in inevitable in one way or another.

Yet, in all his paranoid delusions of deaths in the deep depths of war, or at the hands of his greatest foes…dying at the hands of several, mutated killer sugar snacks…never crossed his mind.

But there he was tied to a pole like some sort of carnal sacrifice and glaring down into the feral eyes of one pissed off Giant Twinkie.

What was the world coming too?

He could not battle these foes and braced himself as a strawberry filled pastry raise his sliver spear and prepared to run him throu-

"Wait! Wait! Hold on here a minute!" Edward screamed, slamming his automail hand down onto the computer desk, where a very sleep deprived Faith was currently attempting to update her stories, finish some art commissions and pointedly ignore the jerk that sat behind her in her early afternoon graphics class. The girl looked up slowly into the fierce golden eyes, blinking back sleepy tears and a yawn. "Eh? Oh…hi, Ed. What are you doing here?" She looked around at her other classmates, deeply tuned into their own procrastination and wondered idly if any of them could see the enraged alchemist too. "I'm here asking what the hell this is." Ed answered, pointing vigorously at Faith's laptop. "Twinkies? Really? Is that the best you can do? I mean if I'm going to die again, for the thousandth time. Can't you at least think of something better?" He said, slapping the girl over the side of the head and causing real tears to pour down her face as she turned wide eyes up at him. "I-i…I'm sorry!" She wailed, grasping the front of his shirt. "I…I couldn't think of anything else for the comedy chapter… *sniff* I'm just not a humor person and my…my baby brother…he…requested that I kill you with killer twinkies and I'm so tired and I love writing but I want to hurry and write the angsty chappies next and I hate school and jerks and stupid dead laptop batteries and crashed cars and friends that don't love me! And I want to go HOME!"

The alchemist blinked, gently prying the sobbing girl from his shirt and patting her head awkwardly. "Geeze…I didn't mean to make you cry." He sighed, pointing to the screen. "C'mon, let's get this over with, but next time, please think of something a little more…uh…dignified."Faith nodded, turning back to her laptop. "Oh...and get some more sleep."

He could not battle these foes and braced himself as a strawberry filled pastry raise his sliver spear and prepared to run him through. "Die, Alchemist."

So that was how the Fullmetal Alchemist really died, cursing the gods he didn't believe in, the scientists that had the bright idea to cross chimera's with pastry's and his sadistic, sleep deprived author.

So…yeah, I'm sorry I know I said I'd try to update every day, but I was in an accident awhile ago and had some…other issues.

Anyways, this is dedicated to my precious little brother Al, who is stepping up from the 8th grade this year and STILL ON THE A HONOR ROLE!

I couldn't be prouder and next chappie's gonna be awesome. :3 It has Riza in it.

I have a few announcements too. I'm going to go back into these chapters and change the format as well as fix some grammar/spelling errors. Also, I'm planning to make a doushin of my most popular chapters of this story so if you would like to see and particular chapter as a comic, please review or send a message too me.

Well, that's all for now!

See you next chapter~ *salute*

-Faith out-

PS. For those of you who are waiting for special guest killings don't worry, that chapter will be released on our 50th chapter anniversary special!


	29. So he cried aka the shortest chapterever

Death XXIX

"N-nii-san?" Alphonse couldn't believe what was before his eyes, it couldn't be possible. "Nii-san!" It was just automail surgery, something Edward had gone through enough times and always manage to be okay in the end of it. Sure, this time it wasn't Winry and Granny doing it and the room wasn't exactly sterile and Ed had been really hurt...but..."No!" Alphonse flung himself against the tarnished sheets, eyes only for his brothers pale, bloodied skin and wide, blanks eyes. Ed was...Ed was...the boy didn't know what to do...not without his brother...not without...so he just cried.

It was the end of the world in his mind.


	30. FAITHS RETURN!

LOOK,CRAPONSTICKWBEANS!

Are you looking? Did I get your attention? Great, let's get this party started then….

Death XXX

Roy Mustang was enjoying an unusually peaceful and quiet day at work, reclining in his office chair whilst gazing out the window with a bored expression. Today had been so uneventful in Central Command it was almost unnerving, no psychopaths destroying the city, or monsters on the loose…hell there hadn't even been that much paperwork… but he wasn't going to be the one to complain. After all as _stimulating _as average days were usually in Central, he wasn't above enjoying some actual normal time for once. However, as you readers all know, things were about to get strange again.

Very strange…and very quickly.

Suddenly, the door to Roy's office slammed open with a loud crash and the General sighed deeply, _it was all too good to be true_, turning to face the intruder. He had expected to see his young, hot tempered, short subordinate but instead was surprised to see a familiar young woman, [almost equally short], dressed in black from head to toe, standing with one hand in her pocket and the other on her hip, before him. She grinned.

"Hello, Amestris! I'm back and I brought CHEESEPUFFS!"

Roy fell from his seat when a rather large bag of cheesy snacks flew at top speed into his head. He groaned loudly, removing the offending object and glaring across the room. "Miss Altoire! What is the meaning of—"

The door [which somehow ended up locked again] slammed open once more, knocked completely off its hinges, this time revealing a very p'oed Fullmetal Alchemist followed by a rather flustered looking Alphonse. Edward stomped up to the desk and jabbed a finger at Faith. "No. No. No. NO." He said through gritted teeth, extenuating each word with a poke to the woman's chest. "Hell no! You leave us for months! Forget us! Abandon us! And now you think you can waltz in here, all happy go lucky with two fucking updates and cheese puffs, and expect everyone to rejoice?" The author blinked, backing away slightly from the strange Alchemist and popping a cheese puff into her mouth before nodding. "Uh-huh." She swallowed, "Pretty much, ready to die now?"

"NO! I wasn't ready to die when you started this crap! Then you leave us for this!" The boy tossed a book unto Roy's [who had been trying to process the whole scene before him, with a face of tired amusement] desk in a huff without any of his normal care for the paper bound wonders. The General picked up the item warily and glanced at the cover. It was brightly colored, with swirls of dizzying rainbows and clouds, smiling up at him were three happy faces [or more like one happy face, one embarrassed and the other flustered] doodled haphazardly onto its surface under a large title.

"…Hetalia- axis powers?" He read out loud, looking up at the woman who had the gull to look sheepish. "What's this?"

Faith twirled a strand of hair in her finger and sighed. "It's…an obsession." She said resignedly, glaring at Edward who wore a smug look. "But I swear! I didn't replace you with it! I didn't even really want to watch it! But my Nii-san forced me too! And it was so cool and I couldn't stop, so I forgot to write! But I'm back now and FORGIVE ME!" The girl turned to Alphonse and hugged him. "I still love you! All of you! And I'm updating! But I can love others too, right? I mean there was TRC before you guys and Fruits basket! Why not Hetalia! Sure, it's different than others I've obsessed over but-"Edward pulled her away from his brother [who was slightly suffocating] and sighed. "Yeah, tell it to the judge lady. You ditched us because you fell in love with some flat, over-done, badly drawn Tsundere, who can't hold a candle to u—"

A shot rang out from behind the young alchemist and he collapsed, face-first to the floor, a small pool of blood surrounding him "Nii-san!" Alphonse cried, while the other specters turned to see the newcomer that stood by the entrance [Not at all concerned for the boy]. He was slightly taller than Alphonse but still shorter than Roy, with grayish-blonde hair and piercing sea- green eyes. His eyebrows were the most prominent thing on his face, or would be if the two weren't focused on the almost sadistic scowl that was pulled onto his lips. "Arthur!" Faith called, running up to hug the man, who returned it awkwardly with one arm, the other holding the still smoking gun."I apologize for my tardiness, love." Arthur spoke, eyes narrowing. "Did I shoot the right one?" The woman smiled widely and poked his cheek, playfully enter twining their hands. "Yep!" She turned to the General. "Roy, this is Arthur! He's the reason I stayed with Hetalia for so long! But I really am back to you guys. I missed it really there is just so much story here in Amestris, it's like... my home. But I thought I should introduce you two."

Faith's grin grew wide and malicious. "After all, when I'm finished with Edward, I'm going to have my fun with Artie over here~" The green-eyed man raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?" But he didn't receive an answer right away, just a kiss and a smile. "Oh…just that everyone knows that I have a special way of treating the ones I love…goodbye Roy, Alphonse, see you soon!" And with that the girl left, dragging a still confused Arthur behind her. Roy sighed, watching as Alphonse frantically began to gather his brother. So much for a peaceful day, he thought getting up to place a few calls. He then smiled to himself.

"I feel really sorry for that guy."

* * *

Hiya peeps! Miss me? Okay…maybe not… but I really am sorry, I had school and work and other issues and I really did get sidetracked with the whole Hetalia thing. My brother thought I need something new to watch so he recommend it…then I asked my friends on DA and they all said it was cool too so….and then…well, despite the fact that it's mainly about history [I love history] the characters are so cool and Arthur [for those of you who have never seen Hetalia, it's basically a parody show following the personifications of all the countries of the world, mainly the axis and allies powers of WWII but it bounces back and forth through time frames. It primarily pokes fun at history and stereotypes with these characters but it has a lot of serious/angsty qualities too which makes me adore it] who is the personification of the UK [mainly England or Britain as they call him in the American version] is the main reason I've stuck with this show [I also love USA, not just cause I'm American but because he's cute, Canada, Russia and Japan, as well as many others but Arties my fav] I guess it's because out of all the countries I've ever been too England is my favorite [and it isn't because I met my sort of boyfriend of 5 years there, but then again that may be the reason I think Artie is so cute~] In a contest I've entered my OC Faith [mind you not the Faith that appears in this story because that's me an altered Faith] one of things I had to do was pair her off with a canon character and well…Artie was all I could think of.

So, yeah, rambling much? I'm glad to be back~ Thank the reviewer who calls themselves _Fireena_ for they're many, many reviews while I was gone geeze it made me so happy. More [and better quality] chapters coming soon.

I'll try my best to update atleast once a week, so don't worry~

Also, if you have a DA account and an OC that's often paired with a canon character check out my group up there called "My Cannon Lover" [Note: Yes, I know canon is misspelled but that's the permanent title for it sorry]

Okay~

Ja'ne my peoples!


	31. Mad as a Hatter

Death XXXI Mad as a Hatter

"Edward?" A voice called softly through the workroom door that was opened just a crack, letting in a small sliver of light that illuminated the dark space filled with all sorts of papers and bottles filled with equations and dangerous chemicals. There was a small figure hunched over a large desk in the center of room, its long silk-like hair cascading wildly around its twitching frame. "Edward, honey, it's time for bed." The voice continued and the figure lifted its head instantly towards the sound. Wide, wild golden eyes stared curiously at the intruder, blonde locks flicking back forth as the incessant shivering failed to cease. Moments dredged on until finally the trembling boy tilted his head to one side as an almost manic grin spread across his gaunt features.

"Mother." He whispered hoarsely, crazed lit eyes shining in excitement. "That's right, dear." The voice whispered gently as the door opened to reveal the shaded outline of a woman. "Come to bed now. Your brothers already a sleep and don't you want Mama to kiss you good night." Edward nodded enthusiastically, moving from his chair to stand and holding out his arms to the silhouette. "That's a good boy. Come now to me. My little man, you've been working to hard."

"Mother. Mother. Mother." The boy repeated the words like a mantra, twitching and stepping, arms still held out as he dived into the woman's embrace, slipping and falling into oblivion.

"Mother…I love you…"

Lt. Hawkeye gazed out the window down at the crowded street below where just yesterday, Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric had fallen to his death. She frowned, gripping the edge of the sill and biting her lip at the length of the drop. "Mercury." A voice whispered, and the lieutenant pulled back to look into the room. Books and papers were scattered everywhere and she watched, stoically as her superior bent to retrieve a broken vile from the floor. The Colonel sighed, turning his dark, expressionless eyes towards her. "…he must have been up here for weeks…this stuff poisons the mind any longer and it would have killed him before he fell…"

Riza nodded stiffly, knowing all too well that neither of them really wanted to talk about it at the moment and turned back to the window. The fall was still there and it had begun to rain.

"Colonel?"

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"I wonder what he saw…"

Hey there peeps! I'm planning on updating this baby at least once a week now that school has winded down and my brother bought me two whole freaking seasons of "1000 ways to die" Trust me my dearies, Ed's deaths are only going to get better from here [hopefully :3]. I'm just wondering if I'm going to have to up the rating if things get above rated T…hm? What do you guys think? Oh…and I'm taking requests/suggestions again since I lost my notebook. If you requested something and I haven't written it [with the exception of the fiftieth chapter personal kills, I'm getting to those.] please don't hesitate to review and if I did write yours but didn't put your name up, do tell me as I am very scatterbrained.

Also, a note about last chapter. I had this whole long rant to tell you, but it isn't worth it. From now on I'm just gonna stick to FMA here, I'm sorry I even brought Hetalia up. In fact I'm probably gonna rewrite last chapter when I get the chance. It was obviously a big mistake. Hetalia fans who like my writing can talk to me about it on DA. People are too much of a headache here when it comes to that stupid show. I'd like to make a point here for all of you who haven't noticed is I'm not much of a romance person, yes, I do have pairings I like in each of my favorite fandoms but I don't watch/read those fandoms for the pairings. In addition, asides from gravitation the only yaoi/shounen ai couple you might [and there's a big might there] see me write for is TRC's KuroFai. SO LEAVE ME ALONE! Geeze…I have my rights, people. [Also, I hate incest. Just had to put that out there]

TRUFAX: IHAVETIESWITHTHEMAFIA!

…Anyways, BACK TO GLORIOUS FULLMETAL! Death, death, death all around. I think I need to write something Christmassy soon here [even though it will be late…MERRY CHRISTMAS!] …hm… anyways. I'm trying to get to the fiftieth chapter up and then I get to write all those personal deaths. Yum.

[I blame DA, my damn lack of internet access, work…and school. For my lack of updating…]

Cupcakes.


	32. Update Notice

** Dear Readers,**

** Firstly, I would like to apologize for my long term absence recently. There have been many issues and situations, restricting my abilities to update this and many of my other stories. A major problem had been my lack of internet access. That has changed, as I now have internet at my home for my own disposal. I have also been suffering from a year long bout of depression which resulted in a major writing block. I am doing my best to overcome this. What I need from you is idea's. You are all loyal and patient and I adore you for your encouragement. If there is anything you'd like to see in this story, any improvements, expansions and such, that I can accommodate ..please do not hesitate to tell me. I will prefer a PM, seeing as I know most of you will be unable to review with your accounts on this note. I hope to update soon, with better, awe-inspiring work for your and my own enjoyment.**

**Thank you**

**Forever yours,**

_**Faith**_


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